My Mind's Drama

Mechanical life

2011-08-23T00:14:00.003+08:00

"But better die than live mechanically, a life that is a repetition of repetitions "

D.H. Lawrence

Death may not be the answer,
For repetitive life is death itself,
Like getting stuck in a warp zone,
Like being trap in a washing machine,
Spin and spin and spin,
Till your essence runs dry,
Step out of the machine,
And kiss the ray of light,
Fear not,
Take a leap of a fool,
For the fool has its own luck..

Earth Tantrum

2011-03-16T01:46:00.005+08:00

Earth is angry,
Tantrum continues,
Last Friday's blow was awful,
Sending your notorious waves,
To the east it spreads,
Its inhabitants cry for mercy,
I cry for mercy too,
Too much cries from afar,
Too much death heard,
Please stop shaking,
Don't get so mad Oh dear Earth,

You rocked us 7 years ago,
Wiping your inhabitants.
With your waves of anger,
Drowning and flattening it,
The island in the southeast Asia,
Almost gone,
Flat and gone..

More candles are lighted again this year,
Nuclear technology turns to a time bomb,
We live in fear of its leakage,
I pray that it will cool down,
Enough of disasters already,
The poor souls there has enough to bear,
Let there be no more deaths,
A restful night be granted,
And many days to come..

Peace be with souls in the east,
The land of the rising sun,
May the sun shine upon you again,
Dries up all your tears and worries,
Lift this spell from your land,
Like snow that melts into spring,
Where your heart will bloom again,
Like sakura after winter,
Blessed it be...

Bliss

2009-12-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

Smiles are more in wake than dreams,
Nightmare occurs every night,
Hidden anxiety I could not find,
Yet morning is filled with bliss,
Flashes of recent memories,
Lifelong dreams finally came true,
Humourous bonds are formed,
Faces I could not forget,
Adoration and love,
Come what may,
What the future holds,
I smile when I drive,
I smile when I walk,
I smile when I am alone,
Waking up is better than sleeping,
For I know now,
I am at bliss...

Blue Sky Awaits

2009-11-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

Stuck in the mist you may be,
Darkness or white plain surrounds,
Frusfrated and lost,
Feels like rotting there,
And stoned for eternal years,
It all never seems to end..

Blue sky always awaits,
With its spring blossom,
And summer berries,
The tease of its gentle breeze,
If you keep searching..

How could one see such wonders,
When all is monotonous,
As they may ask,
Believe,
Faith,
Even if you are not sure if it will happen,
Believe it will,
You will see your beautiful plain,
Heavens are kind,
I promise..

*dedicated to Jelyn W., with love*

Vanishing

2009-07-19T10:37:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a ticking clock,
With three arrows going clockwise,
Seconds are like happiness,
Ticks off very fast,
Minutes are like present,
Steady and awaits,
Hours are like the haunting past,
Every minute and second,
Once the clock stops,
It is just silence...

I fear not of my clock stop,
But I fear for others,
As years gather,
My world is slowly vanishing,
People,
Things,
Memory,
Friendship,
Love and sorrow,
The scope is getting narrower,
Kaleidoscope is dimmer..

Dancers of the Dark

2009-06-28T14:48:00.003+08:00

Guitar strikes it first chord,
Notes that sends the shiver of delight,
Leaves a perfect resonance in the air,
Embracing all the bewildered eyes,
The anticipation for the butoh dancer,
Left or right,
Upstage or backstage,
No one knows where she or he will come out..

She descends motionless to the stage,
Gliding like a ghost,
Her back facing all eyes,
Sparkling gown strewn with diamonds,
Worn the other way,
White feathery wig,
Swaying with each step,
Soft white fabric sweeps the floor,
White ribbons dangles from the waist,
Hugging a bunch of fresh lilies..

Psychidelic music heightens,
As she stretch her right arm out,
Diamonds decorates the back of the palm,
How it twinkles underneath the lights,
A surreal feeling,
As if meeting the beautiful creature,
From the faerie world,
Skin painted in white..

She took a slow turn,
As if the world has stop time,
All the gasp and flashes,
A white face with no expression,
Sparkles occasionally from ornaments,
Eyes partially closed,
His white chest bares,
How petite and beautiful are those hands,
Every part of the body,
Every single cells,
Controlled moves and twist,
Not any ordinary dancer could perform...

Point blank emotion on the face,
A morbid fascination,
Eerie yet so beautiful,
The butoh bride...

Filthy Heart

2009-06-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

Pluck out that shrinking heart,
Smaller than the pea,
Filled with much filth,
Enough to banish the world,
Made the eyes burn,
With jealousy in all it saw,
Fill the brain with false consciousness..

Scrub it with all one's might,
The stubborn slime keep building,
Even the freshest skin will rot,
With such disgusting secretion,
Stab it with a knife,
Even the sturdy metal cracks,

Throw it to the Sun God,
Dry and warm,
Ashes, transform it not,
But to a heart of gold,
Then only should it return,
To that empty body again...

So Bored!!!

2009-06-19T22:59:00.003+08:00

So bored so bored so bored so bored...even all these I used to fancy cant seem to excite me...

Bored of piano
Bored of violin
Bored of watching drama
Bored of my own birthday
Bored of any occassions
Bored of drinking
Bored of catching a fine delicious meal after a busy day while people watching
Bored of strolling in the mall
Bored of karaoke
Bored of standing backstage under the dark
Bored of the hall lights that seeps my energy away
Bored of asking students to keep quiet
Bored of making sure students are on cue
Bored of asking students to practise when all you can see is 'fooling around’ acts
Bored of my having to work at night
Bored of touching anything art
Bored of cooking
Bored of eating, when eating for the sake of filling the crying stomach
Bored of working on Saturday
Bored of driving around town for fun
Bored of getting lost for fun to find new places
Bored of getting bored
Bored of hormone blues
Bored of waking up to another day which is the same
Bored of talking
Bored of motivating lesson into uninterested students
Bored of Restaurant City
Bored of Pet Society
Bored of going online
Bored of eating dinner on my own and rushing off to work within a short time frame
Bored of non stop events
Bored of being so tired everyday
Bored of only having two hours for myself everyday when that pathetic hour is just housekeeping stuff
Bored of imagined world to keep me warm
Bored of being isolated in a task and ignorant of information
Bored of disorganized management
Bored of last minute stuff
Bored trying to please people
Bored of being emotionless on everything
Bored of expressionless
Bored of working
Bored of feeling restless when the rest time finally comes
Bored of being not confident
Bored of being Ice Queen
Bored of unrequitted love
Bored of not having a crush for a while
Bored of being so busy all the time
Bored of dramas in life
Bored of waiting
Bored of my suspicious mind
Bored of being so independent
Bored of my hairstyle
Bored of endless events

Name me something I can look forward to, something that would give me an adrenaline rush

Autumn Returns Again

2009-04-28T17:48:00.003+08:00

Summer play has ended,
Scorching humid air has cool down,
So do people...
Warmth between has disappear,
Chain links has unloosen,
Summer love, summer fun,
Used to be interconnected,
Now starts to move away,
Some towards new direction,
Some repels without knowing why,
Others remain to watch the falling leaves,

Gold, brown and red,
As the books always describe,
Mine is blue, white and grey,
Another autumn has returned,
Another uncanny...

The Old Soul

2009-04-11T00:13:00.002+08:00

I roam the earth,
With a very old soul,
So bored with life,
Tired of roaming,
When will these feet stop?
How long do I have to walk?
How long more left?
Till the portal arrives...
I am losing my patience

Too empty,
Meaningless,
Locked in a time frame,
That keeps repeating itself,
Seems different yet the same,
Air is still as vacuum,
People moving in moderate motion,
My heart does not beat for anything,
anymore...
Sick of it...

Blank Year

2008-12-14T14:30:00.002+08:00

A year so blank,
Yet so much happened,
Bundle of events,
Too cram to spread out,
It's all a white plain,
With invincible writing,
Health crumbles,
Frusfration builds up,
Too little time for the Self,
In need of a better resolution,
2009, may it be better..

Escaping

2008-09-18T22:12:00.003+08:00

Expand and expand,
Stretch on and on,
I thugged and pull,
Crawl out of this rubber,
That grapse my face tight,
Leaving me breathless,
Choking in stale air...

I dream of a land unknown,
Where skies so clear,
Drape with fluffy clouds,
Forests so green and luscious,
Dewdrops hangs like crytal beads,
Fresh faces, new surroundings,
Adventure waiting to begin..

Spin O' Spin

2008-06-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

The wheel spins on,
Turning rapidly, eternally,
Thou afraid that it will stop,
As vision becomes clearer,
Forgotten scene forms again..

Thou let it spin on,
Vision continues to be blurred,
Only colourful lines wraps the scene,
Changing as the clock tick,
Feeling safe in this warp..

Thy body is frail,
Endless spinning detoriates it,
Thy heart is also weak,
When spinning stops,
It continues to bleed,
Thy heart or thy body?

The Battle of Id

2008-06-16T18:35:00.004+08:00

To live cowardly is to live in redundant,
Traces not left,
Presence unfelt,
Transparent in history,
Soul is non-existant

Fear weaves a web of lies,
Imprisoning the Id,
Wailing to be released,
As Super-ego lives in domination,
Ego gradually became suicidal,
Switched into self-destruct mode..

As Ego withers away,
Sight became polluted,
Colours became monochrome,
How barren are the surroundings,
Only a sting is felt…

The Peach

2008-06-15T14:47:00.006+08:00

Before the seed could burst open,
Winter came along and kept it dormant
Before the roots could sprout longer,
Few grubs ate it with much delight,
Before the leaves could grow wider,
Miss grasshopper took it for lunch,
Before the bud could blossom further,
The scorching sun took its life away,
Before the flower could meet the bee,
A girl came to pluck it away,
The peach tree remain fruitless,
For many, many years,
Its fragrant and sweetness,
Lingers as secret forever,

Oh, what a pity!
To live in such fate..

The Great Performer

2008-04-07T12:02:00.003+08:00

The arrogant performer,
Sees only thyself on the stage,
The only rose surrounded by weeds,
In the middle of a barren land.

To be a good performer,
Is to create magic and inspiration,
Building a bridge between fantasy and reality,
Leaving the audience in awe after show.

To be a great performer,
One that is respected and remarkable,
With abundance of talents in hand,
Is learning humility and faith,
To change what seems hopeless.

Missing You

2008-03-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

What is home without you,
Your voice unheard,

Welcome by silence,
Your face unseen,
Vanished from me suddenly,
After twelve years..

Would you still watch over me?
Would you still linger around?
Would you still walk the garden?
Would you still roll on the bed of daisies?
At least sometimes,
Returning from the other side,
To catch a glance of me..

I miss you.

Longing

2007-11-28T01:19:00.000+08:00

A sudden longing,
To revisit my old house,
The place where I used to imagine,
Recreating the world of Enid Blyton,
The enchanted place that she speaks of,
Where bluebells are fairy lamps,
And tiny mushroom are fairy’s ring..

An ordinary garden it is,
Not enough to fit two cars,
Surrounded by wired fence,
Where my fingers love to trace,
Stretches to a stone pillar,
Covered with moss,
That brings news from afar,
Delivered by a Man

Right beside it lays a grave,
With colourful balsams,
Pink, white, purple and red,
Surrounded by pebbles,
To honour my dead fishes..

Next door lives two huge dogs,
Abby likes the swing,
Dooley loves the cement floor,
Such huge and fierce creatures,
I have the fortune to be their friends,
But they left when I was 12

Flashback after flashback,
Hibiscus and coconut tree,
Neighbour practicing his sonatina,
Lil'Speedy digging grandma’s garden,
Christmas tree look alike,
My mother’s blue hydrangea,
My backdoor neighbour,
With her dog Sherkan,
My roller skates adventure,
Biking with other kids,
Grandma’s vegetable garden,
Sugarcane, beans, pegaga, spring onions,
So much more memories..

I wish to walk upon it again,
I really wish I could,
Seeing it with new eyes,
What would I change?
Maybe nothing at all,
Just to embrace it,
Once more..

Just once..

The Broken Spirit

2007-11-23T02:15:00.000+08:00

The broken spirit,
Lost its zest,
Shines no brighter than a dying star

The broken spirit,
Shattered by love,
Cursed thee self from resurrection

The broken spirit,
Dresses for the world,
With eye shadow and fake blush,
A glow that never last,
So the world could be oblivious,

Thee walk the earth,
As sun rise and set,
Yet all is plain black,
Time is infinity…

Oh broken spirit,
Weep no more please,
There are some,
Who see through your veil,
Know not what to do..

To Speedy With Love

2007-11-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

To Speedy, with love,

The most loyal dog,
Despite a lil' temper,
He is a wonderful dog,
Alwiz stuck close to the family,
Right beside our sofa,
As we watch TV,
While he takes his nap.

A brave hero indeed,
Have fought snakes to rats,
Foe in his eyes,
Danger to those he guards,
Protective over his master and family..

A strong soul as well,
Fought cancer with strength,
Lived on for almost two years,
Today, we return him to god and goddess ..
Released from the sufferings of Earth..

A Haloween baby indeed,
Came to us only in November 1995,
Today he departs on 12th November 2007,
May you rest well in heaven,
Among all the brightest stars.

We will miss your handshake,
Your smile,
Your warm welcome when we return,
Your craze over juicy bones,
Your cuddly warm fur,
Your pom pom tail,
That thunderous bark,
Your face during your rat-hunt,
Your tricks to run out of the gate,
And all those wonderful moment you gave us...

We love you,

Speedy aka 'Fei Lou' aka 'Furball'

Colours of Life

2007-09-16T18:22:00.000+08:00

It’s the bittersweet in life that makes life, LIFE.

What seems to be

Exhaustion
Repression,
Depression,
Tension,
Confusion,
Bliss,
Anger,
Gratitude

All a palette of colours,

That paints the word LIFE

Little Aidan

2007-04-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

Your body always sways,
To rhythm far away,
Your little feet taps the ground,
As you twirl around,
Your laughter liven the room,
Till sorrow never dare loom,
Your joyful eyes calls out,
Till no lips could pout,
Nobody could resist,
But lured to join you;
In your little jig,
And be part of your;
Happy baby league!

Until

2007-04-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

Until dark clouds disperse,
And the head is light,
The heart can never accept...

Until the past is resolved,
Not just being suppressed,
The heart can never be contented..

Until all knots are untied,
We can't really love...

Or can love be..
The sun that shines through the dark clouds,
The Present that charges forward,
The fingers with great dexterity,
Patiently untying the knots...

This Parcel Called Love

2007-04-03T13:42:00.000+08:00

Love is like a parcel,
Comes with a bunch of items,
Links to what we call emotions,
They interconnects,
You can't select one;
Without the other item,
It is a set...

In love,
You will experience happiness,
One that you can't describe
One that makes your cheeks warm,
But it is not a fever,
One that makes that person reappears,
Many times in your dreams,
One that makes you paranoid,
Over every single word,
Ever spoken by that person..

Nonetheless in love,
Loneliness is inescapable,
With strings of irritancies,
When you long for that person,
To wrap your arms around,
Yet they are so far,
When you hope to laugh together,
Yet they are not there,
When you hope they will respond more,
But they are silent mostly,
Leaving you subtle hints of affection,
And some flattering words,
Throws you off your equilibrium..

In Love,
Sadness is part of it,
When your heart is broken,
When your love is unrequited,
When angry words hurt your feelings,
When the person you love falls for your best friend,
When the person clings to their past,
When they disappear from your life..

Somehow in love,
It leaves eternal memories,
Whether bitter, sad or loneliness,
They make you smile too,
When you have moved on...

Hence,
Love is a parcel,
With inseparable items,
Can you handle them?
Or will you reject it?
Would you be remorseful in this life;
If you have never receive it?
Or is it in your hand?
But you have never found the courage,
To open the parcel...

(Inspired by Fruit Basket)

Season of Beginning and the End

2007-03-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

For the inexperienced ones,
A surreal point of time,
For the seasoned ones,
It’s just another ordinary point,
A cycle that revisits,
Like an old friend..

A point of time,
Where it’s time to leave,
Where it’s time to be elsewhere,
Where new love should blossom,
Where rigid feelings be let gone,
Where it’s time to let go,
Where it’s time to accept,
Where it’s time to be true to your heart,
Where logic versus emotions,
Let it drift away..

At this point of time,
Either tear are shed,
Or laughter could be heard,
Or cries of relief,
Or anger arises,
Sentimental and reminiscence,
You could be either,
Or could be both,
Or could be none,
Just numb…

It’s just another;
Season of Beginning and the End.

Sshhhhh

2007-03-03T12:45:00.000+08:00

It's so quiet today,
My surroundings,
My life,
Just this moment,
Just today,
It's just....Sshhhhh

Swept away by life,
In every other day,
Or what reality seems to be,
I can hear my thoughts today,
Felt my drained up body,
The lovely feeling,
On a zero schedule day,
Just listening to myself,
Finding me....

Motivation

2007-01-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

Where's my motivation?
What's my motivation?
Daily job begins to slug,
Routine may be the word,
Weeks passed like minutes ,
But where does my satisfaction lies..
What do I achieve?

Words don't flow so well,
My grammar is rotting when usage is less,
Ideas seems to be kept then used,
Or is there any ideas at all?
Is business an excuse to procrastinate?
Creativity is left to fade away,
Maybe one day even forgotten,
That I once had it...

Where am I?
What's my motivation to write?
What's my motivation to work?
What's my motivation to live?
Where is it?
Please return...

My little viral

2007-01-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

Dear viral,
How I loathe you,
You destroy my digesting system,
I smell handmade noodles from afar,
Topped with leafy greens and anchovies,
I bottoms up the whole bowl,
But you made me want to throw up,
Creating air bubbles inside me,
Trying to push it all out again,
So I did a tug and pull,
And victory is mine this afternoon,
Though you had it this morning...

Dear viral,
Aren't you tired yet?
You've been in me for almost 4 days,
Captain Antibiotics cannot kill you,
But other pills can contain your symptoms,
Delicious food in front of my eyes,
All I can do is drool on it,
Every time I swallow,
You bring out nausea...

Dear viral,
I found my little solution,
My powerful Lemon bomb,
Weapon against your air bubble,
Digestion is slow,
But you're dying away...

Goodbye viral,
You nearly brought me to bones,
At least not to my grave yet..

******P/s: I find this post silly, just posting it up because it gave me a bad time , for almost 5 days now. It's medical name for this sickness is 'viral gastroenteritis', comes from contaminated food. You can visit this link for more info http://www.medic8.com/infectious-diseases/viral-gastroenteritis.htm****

The Forgotten Self

2006-12-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

In old MTV,
Forgotten dreams awakens,
Past fetish resurfaced,
Old feelings jumped up,
The me I used to know,
How far away it seems..

In old melody,
I called upon me,
From six years ago,
Those struggling years,
Insecure and in fear,
Those wonderful moments,
Those dreams overlaps new ones..

I became a hybrid suddenly,
Stronger than the past,
More refreshing than the present,
New desires became old,
Old desires became new..

I see a pair of eyes,
With dark-coloured shades,
The brown iris sparkles like diamonds,
Ironed raven strands,
Covering the oval face,
Lips painted with pale gloss,
A tint of rose on the cheeks,
Finding courage to exist again,
Since its last failure...

Blandness

2006-12-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Time freeze,
So did my heart,
No, time did not freeze,
It flew too fast,
All memories became compressed,
Feelings became a cocktail,
Not as aromatic as one,
Just one white plain,
One silvery line...

When time became a line,
A zombie emerge,
Cold like a statue,
Forgot how to feel,
Tears became ornaments,
Ornaments worn without a reason,
No why,
Couldn't find why....

Life is Beautiful

2006-08-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

Life is beautiful,
If the eyes would and could see;
Beyond these broken buildings..

There lies an orange and yellow sky,
The dying sun that cuddles;
With its lukewarm ray,
A satin midnight blue blanket,
With tiny pearls;
Eating away the dying sun,
Yet, its magical and not sorrowful..

A world so far stretched,
Every finding beyond the line,
Drawn between the sky and earth,
By the Great One above,
Varies within each person,
Depending on the heart's will,
To explore or limit oneself...

Life is beautiful,
If the eyes will penetrate or recreate;
Beyond these vandalized walls...

Wings to Fly

2006-07-29T01:41:00.000+08:00

Wings to fly,
I call upon you,
When will you grow upon my shoulder?

Wings to fly,
My eyes hunger for a new view each morning,
When will I have enough to buy you?

Wings to fly,
I love and hate you,
You stir my calm sea;
But you're the ship to my maiden voyage..

Wings to fly,
I see you on others,
Taking flight along with my sisters..

Wings to fly
You bring new breath to some,
You also cast fear to some,
But you stole my loved ones away..

Wings to fly,
I long for you since seventeen;
To take me to a new soil,
Where my stale roots can grow again..

The Rainforest's Angels of Music

2006-07-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

Those angels arrived during Full Moon,
Flew in from different earth realm's continent,
Made mortals dance in the rainforest,
Underneath the blue velvet sky,
With wine, beer and exotic meals served,
Melt away the coldest heart,
Replenishes melancholic souls,
Stiff feet danced again across the plain..

I tried to snap what my eyes see,
I tried to record what my ears hear,
I tried to capture what my nose smells,
I tried to replay what my heart kept..
It is there, all there..
But the intensity is lost,
Like a rose that blossoms
Then it became a pressed flower
Beneath the those thick book covers,
Kept for memory sake,
With fear of it fading along with the years,
Or with the hectic buzzing city..

Ghostly images of him floats across my mind,
First frame with his smile,
Second frame with his kwen-gari,
Third frame with his eyes closed,
Fourth frame with his possessed look,
Fifth frame with his ancient samurai look,
Almost in bliss and orgasmic,
Melding in with the rhythm he leads,
As his mates supports his thunderous sound;
With loud thumps and echoing metal,
I am hypnotized by that simple rhythm,
Even the gods and goddesses cried that night...

Haunting voices in chorus sings along with my thoughts,
Becomes as repetitive as the fiddle tunes,
Folk tunes sung in perfect harmony,
Transported my soul to Quebec,
Soothing and addictive,
Stomping foot grounds the voices,
Vibrant violin bowing sets the pace,
I find myself tapping along with it,
I hum it without realizing,
I sway and skipped like I am bewitched,
Even my heart became as virtuoso as the strings,
Leaves me gasping for breath,
Even the dead will rise to dance,
Embraced by the soft pearl moonlight…

Find Me

2006-07-18T02:32:00.000+08:00

Finally I have some time to blog again. I am internet-less at the moment, using a dial up and not broadband...pretty inconvenient plus I have been travelling and working for the past weeks. Cant believe I will be moving house 3 times in 6 months. Next month will be the second move. Its such a warm night and its nearly 3 am. Thought I would share my final assignment's story here, hope ya all enjoy it and I really value comments given for this piece...The word limit is 2000, so i have to cut the story short, Maybe I will fill up those loop holes in the story when i have the time to write a longer version of it..For now, here you go>>>

**************************************

‘Find me.’

‘We are one. Find me’.

‘Find me.’

That strange trailing voice used to echo in my head before the clock screams like the fire brigade alarm. That memory felt so distance now… and that voice... became too familiar that it felt like my own.

**************************************

‘Blue earrings or the purple one ah?’

A high-pitched voice startles my daydream. I see a stranger fidgeting with two pairs of earrings from the reflection of the mirror. The stranger places the purple pair on her left ear and the blue one on her right ear. I could see my hands following the movement of the stranger’s hands like a shadow.

Ashley Tan Chin Ai. Weird. How did I know her name? Her face is unfamiliar but the tone of her voice seems….no, feels like I have known her forever. I begin searching the archive of my memory before her voice startles my thoughts again.

‘Hmm, which one ah?’

I analyze her. Green eye shadows with blue liner, face as pale as the moon due to using a foundation too light for her skin, brown colored lipstick, too much blush, orange calcite bracelet, green embroidered shoes, fish-net stocking and red “cheong sam”. I guarantee that if she ever publishes a magazine on beauty and fashion tips, she won’t sell a copy.

‘Erm, take the sparkling purple pair… seems to compliment the red “cheong sam”. Goes well with your hazel eyes and sand colored skin’.

‘Oooo..sui, wa suka purple one also! Ah! ai ka kin liao, papa boh suka lang late one’ (Oooo.. nice, I like the purple too! Ah! Must hurry up, dad dislikes people who are late)’.

Weird. I don’t remember that I could understand Chinese. Somehow, I could understand every single word uttered by her.

I watch Ashley giggles excitedly from the oval mirror, decorated with colorful studs. A pot of lavender incense is burning in front of the mirror. The smell gives me a deja vu. Two Chinese lantern hang above the mirror, illuminating her face with light hint of egg-yolk color. Her long raven hair hangs to the waist and wraps around her shoulder like a silk blanket. I run my fingers through my hair that has never felt like silk threads before but it still smells like fresh peach. Ashley repeats my action. I take a curtsy. Ashley emulates too. Weird. Every movement of Ashley’s body seems to coordinate with the command of my mind, with a split second delay. Some movement belongs to the command of Ashley’s mind. I could somehow read them.

‘Cool’, I thought.

I did not know that I have psychic and mind-controlling ability like those mutants in X-men! I laugh silently while scratching my head.

Bah! There she goes again, silly copycat! A naughty plan begins to form in my mind.

I start flapping my hands like a pair of wings and run in circles around the room. The mirror displaying her image looks like a miniature television broadcasting a movie called ‘The Female Charlie Chaplin’. Then, I pose like Chun Li from my favorite Street Fighter game; Ashley’s attire seems to match the role. I also attempt some high kicks until both of my legs are lifted off the ground. Then, a loud thud follows.

‘Oi! Sarah, lu ki siao ah?! My ka cheng hurts now (Oi! Sarah, have you gone crazy?! My butt hurts now)’.

Ashley picks herself up and straightens her crumpled dress.

‘Oops..sorry’.

Guilty and I couldn’t care less. Hmm..seems like she knows me too. Sarah. Sarah. I almost forgot my name. I watch Ashley tiptoes towards the dressing table and picks up a silver chain that holds a flower pendant made of jade. I paused.

Where have I seen that flower design before? Wait a minute.

I shrug. My eyeball moves rapidly, searching every corner of the mirror for my reflection. I feel beads of cold sweat forming on my forehead. The view around me begins to look as if I am gazing out from a ‘teacup ride’ that I used to adore when I was a kid. The only difference, I am not laughing in this ride. My shivering hands reach and touch the icy surface of the mirror, leaving a patch of vapor that resembles Ashley’s hands more than mine. These fingerprints are too tiny to be mine.

Where am I? I do not see me!! What the hell is happening?

‘Siao ah! You are right here lah! Lu beh ki ha mi su meh?’ (Don’t be crazy! You are right here! Don’t you remember what happen?). The image in the mirror raises her eyebrows.

‘Mien kia, mien kia. Deep breath..xiong tio tui’ ( Don’t be afraid, Take a deep breath and try to remember). Her voice softens and it reminds me of my mother’s voice, during those scary thunderstorm nights.

‘This will help’.

She removes her chain that holds the flower pendant made of jade and let it hang in front of her eyes. I stare at the pendant. Suddenly, my memories begin to roll like a movie reel, in a rewinding motion. It spins like a windmill caught in the midst of a strong wind.

********************************

Yes, I remember now.

My name is Sarah Taylor. I live in New York City. My folks have migrated to heaven without me last year. I still owe them a cruise to Alaska. Anyway, I write beauty-related articles for Poise online magazine. I also freelance for a jewelry shop, designing pendants for them. I recall that my hair resembles the lava that flows out of the volcano and it makes my snow-white skin glow, especially under the sun. Somehow, I forgot the shape of my lips but it always taste like strawberry with my lip-gloss on. I think I have a pair of dirty olive eyes to match with. Though, they often beg me to rest. I wish I could.

I have never slept in my life. When my eyes are shut, I see another world. Basically, I wake up in another room and begin another morning living as another woman. I know she adores Chinese opera. The smell of lavender often lingers in her room. It lingers until I return to my reality as Sarah. Time is almost non-existence to me.

‘Find me. We are one. Find me.’

That recurring voice is often disturbing to my psyche. Why is this mysterious woman calling for me to seek her? What does she mean by ‘we are one’?

*********************

The movie reel in my head took a forward motion until it takes a halt. Now, I see a woman with scruffy hair and frills hanging down like willow leaves from her chiffon top, sitting on my study table. She has large blood shot eyes.

‘Want to an end this misery?’

‘Who..who.. are you? Where did you come from? How….’

‘SILENCE, my child! Here’s the deal. Destroy the Crystolings and I will grant you your wish’

I hesitated. Well, it’s now or never. I am desperate to end this sleepless life. It’s exhausting.

‘Deal. But, answer my doubts’.

‘Foolish absentminded mortal! You drew the symbol and invoked me. I am Lady Lidima, the descendant of Lord Litolin, King of Magicians, Guardian of Earth Realm and beyond. Your words have now bound you to this deal. Your fate will be sealed if you fail.’

Before I could question more, she threw a rainbow colored energy orb that formed from her palms, right at my face. I felt like I have just been electrocuted. The energy orb equips my brain with mental image of the immortal’s profile.

‘Such advance technology’, I thought.

She left a bottle filled with silver liquid, eye ointment, a silver athame, a blessed lime along with instructions that says “How to destroy the Crystolings”, written with ink on dried papyrus. Classic. Then, she vanishes with laughter that sounds like my neighbor’s screeching tires. A piece of paper with the sketch of my flower design floated from above my head and landed on my lap. A Singapore customer has ordered that design for her raw jade one week ago. Weird. My design coincidently matches the symbol on the right corner of the papyrus. Underneath it says, ‘Ancient symbol used to invoke the Guardians. To invoke, draw the symbol with carbon. Beware of consequences.’

****************************

The scene of my encounter with Lady Lidima began to fade. Swiftly, I remember the Crystoling’s fingernails clawing into my neck as I watch helplessly at the silver liquid seeping into the ground, leaving behind glass splinters from the bottle. The eyes ointment used to see her true form has lost its power, leaving me delusional to her tricks. I’ve thrown the bottle at her magically conjured twin instead of her. I have lost my last weapon. Even the lime has lost its protection magic to repel her and the silver athame turned into mercury.

‘Another mortal fooled by Lidima. Her magical tools are usually useless after two hours’. Her voice tingles in the night.

I finally saw the true form of my target at the final hour of my doom. During the two-hour battle, I have watched her emerge from a dark shadow to an eagle, a spider, a leopard and finally a Crystolings, the last breed of shape-shifter on Earth. Creatures with eyes that illuminates like the evening star, human-like, bloodless lips, no nose along with transparent hair that floats in the air. I could still hear her hissing the truth of the deal that I am involved in.

‘Wicked Lidima and her great grandfather’s old traps. Using poor mortals like you to destroy me, the last Crystolings on Earth realm. We used to be the guardian of mortal’s soul, watching over the cycle of birth and death. Until…Lord Litolin damned us all, stole our job and our sacred symbol that only deserving mortal can use to invoke us for wishes'.

‘Is that the flower design I drew?’ I interrupt.

‘Yes. Now, Lidima uses it to help mortals to carry out curses and evil deeds. Every wish granted by her makes her stronger, by stealing a bit of their soul. As for unlucky random mortals like you, she gains your entire soul by luring you to her famous deal. She pre-planned it. Before you enter the womb, Lidima splits your soul into two, creating mortals like you who dwell in two bodies originating from one soul. Your distress psyche has made you see her deal tempting. There are still many of you out there’.

I can’t believe Lady Li-bitch-ma tricked me.

‘Let me finish my task. This body has been cursed by Lidima and will decay after one cycle of the moon and sun. She will come and claim your soul once it decays.’

The next thing I know, she kissed me on the lips. A force trickles down my throat and squeezes my pumping heart to a halt.

‘Poi--son…’, My final word.

I felt light. The last memory I have is my lifeless body, lying next to the Falconer Statue in New York Central Park. Everything turned pitch black. All I hear is that voice…

********************************

‘Find me. We are one. Find me’.

‘That one is wa eh sim sia ti kio lu tui lai wa eh seng ku’ (That is my heart’s voice calling for you to return to my body).

I nodded. I have been to this lavender scented room before. I know where every object is placed here. This is my new home now. There is some adjustment to make in terms of my ‘new face’ and her fashion style. I look at the jade flower pendant in Ashley’s palm…no, our palm.

'Did you order this pendant design from New York?' I asked.

Ashley nodded. ‘Wa kio lu design wan ma, lu beh ki nia’ (I am the one who asked you to design it, you just don’t remember)’. We giggle, but only one voice echoes in the room.

I am Ashley and Ashley is I.

We are one.

2006-06-21T05:46:00.000+08:00

SIARAN TERGENDALA

2006-06-05T13:10:00.000+08:00

--------------------------------TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED-----------------------------

Will be back in mid June :)

Reaching the Ideals

2006-05-02T11:15:00.000+08:00

(Credits to Mrtoys.com for the picture)

Here is a piece written for my assignment recently, enjoy :)

REACHING THE IDEALS

Her right fingers reach towards her left ponytail. She catches one end of the cream coloured ribbon and gives it a little tug. Dismantling the perfect butterfly-like bow. Perfect like how her late Mother tied her hair. That very same ribbon. A bundle of chestnut coloured hair streams down and hangs just below her shoulder, like ribbons. She lets the cream coloured ribbon slide in between her hair and slither beyond her shoulder, past her naked breast. Then, it took a dive to the parquet floor, landing beside her 3 weeks old unwashed school uniform. As her eyes follow the trail of the ribbon, she catches a glimpse of her rib cage and her protruding hipbone. Her peach coloured skin clings tightly to her bones. It reminds her of a piece of chicken carcass being wrapped firmly with a plastic cling wrap. She gazes into the mirror and smile to herself. It’s a smile that Neil Armstrong would wear when he was pronounced First Man on the Moon

For her, she has succeeded to fit into a 22-inch waist jeans compared to 30-inch previously. She adores Barbie. She wanted to look just like her. More petite than Barbie even. She often wishes that God had never created fat molecules inside human body. Now, she is just two inches away from her ideal waistline. In time, she would be perfect enough to catwalk down her school hall like famous model Twiggy. Maybe then, she would not have to bear with her classmates endless chanting towards her. “ If you are not watching your figure, we are watching yours”. It became a repetitive mantra in her mind. Accompanied by the cynical giggles. Alienating eyes. Whispering girls behind her back.

She shrugs and gazes into the mirror again. She does a little twirl. She squeezes her butt cheeks and wriggles her arms. She performs the ritual so often daily that she loses count. Endless sighs follow in between. She feels that her ‘two-slices-of-bread-a-day’ diet plan is not working. She plans to reduce to half a slice. Pointless now. Her diet regime had been discovered. At times, she would screams and tugs her hair after seeing her own figure in the mirror or thought of her sabotaged ‘Becoming-Barbie’ plan. Her breathing becomes heavy. Then, she would grab her orange scissors and holds it near her thighs. That scissors used to help her make intricate paper cuttings to match her greeting cards. Nobody is allowed to touch it. After every use, she kisses it, wraps it in black velvet cloth and tucks it in a floral tin box. Then, three bows in front of the box. It has been with her since 7, almost 10 years now. Recently, the scissors no longer cut papers, but her skin. Her body became her own canvas. She cuts as she pleases. It’s her secret new hobby to kill time.

Currently, she lives in a double-layered prison cell made out of her body and her room, which diminishes her freedom. No more school. No more friends. Nothing much to do. Each meal is sent to her room now. Every six hours, she has to bear with chunks of food and colourful pills being forced down her throat. The food aroma gives her nausea. Sometimes a few familiar faces will peep through the door. Her current regime has shattered her dream to look like Barbie. Soon, she will be transferred to a special institution. To her, it is a bigger jail with other inmates like herself. By then, nothing worth reminiscing left. She prays that she will not live to see that day.

Untitled

2006-02-24T10:02:00.000+08:00

My thoughts are like clouds,
Constantly taking shape,
Constantly arising and cease,
Some never left,
Some are nocturnal,
They return at wee hours...

I watch my every move,
Physically and mentally,
Noting every single one silently,
Step by step,
Thoughts after thoughts,
Memories after memories,
It comes and goes,
It rise and subside,
Very much like tidal waves,
That hit upon my shore of consciousness...

Did I cheat Death?

2006-01-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

Two whistling idiots,
Sitting inside a lorry,
Teasing like hyenas..

I cursed silently inside,
As it wheezes pass me..

A gush of wind,
Slapped on my face,
A door swept across my nose..

I looked to the left,
And catch a glimpse,
Of a backdoor carelessly shut..

If I were a step in front,
Would've saw my head detached,
Or suffer brain damage..

I'm just an inch from death.

Stains of Childhood

2006-01-25T01:27:00.000+08:00

Let thee break away,
From the body mould by yesteryear,
Nothing but stains of childhood,
The eyes creates thee's epic,
Learned by innocent eyes,
Captured from the surroundings,
Need a recipe of thee's own

Scrubbed and rubbed,
Tore and bleached,
Repainted and refurnished,
The stains keep returning,
Haunting thee from within..

Won't thy take thee away,
Help thee in this quest,
To answer thee's deepest questions,
Of uncertainty,
Of worth of existence,
Return thee's lost passion to live,
Or bury thee beneath the ground..

Wake up no more,
The more thee discover,
The truth is more apparent,
A karmic mirror that is found,
Thee refuse to look,
Thee is afraid,
That woman reflects thee,
All that thee despise,
Where is thee?
Who is thee?

Clutters

2006-01-23T01:22:00.000+08:00

Empty mind with endless plans,
Missing will to succeed any,
Soul who lost its passion to life,
Dreams and hopes seems ambiguous..

Truth or lies, the heart is blind,
Fail to see or hear or feel,
Mind that lets the ear controls,
Trusting in every fool's superstition..

Poetry is the cries of the heart,
Unpainted vision of the eyes,
Why do it gave much comfort,
Once given a form to exist..

Mutterings and mumblings,
Voices in the head,
Stop these endless chatters,
Unite them into one..

New Year Resolution

2006-01-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

Resolutions are crap,
Sticks not on my back,
The more I plan,
The more I slack..

Routines makes me run,
Resolutions are mental chains,
Spontaneity is my game,
Gives me burst of surprises..

This year would be plain,
I'll listen to my heart,
Vague resolutions are made,
As only guidelines to the soul...

I'll let my mind be free,
For muses to whisper upon,
I'll be kinder to myself,
Spend more time with my spirit..

I'll free my musical mind,
From being tied down by work,
An hour or two a day,
For creativity to take its course...

My body is not a machine,
As I will remind myself,
Let it recharge at night,
To give its best next day..

Money is such a headache,
Friends are great relief,
I thank them for being there,
Love them to my end..

Things are not always what they seem

2005-12-31T11:08:00.000+08:00

Here's another story i want to share with everyone. Some of you might have gotten this through your forwarded mails. THis one comes in chinese and english. So Tadaaaa!-->一

THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM
有些事并不象它看上去那样

Two travelling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

两个旅行中的天使到一个富有的家庭借宿。这家人对他们并不友好，并且拒绝让他们在舒适的客人卧室过夜，而是在冰冷的地下室给他们找了一个角落。当他们铺床时，较老的天使发现墙上有一个洞，就顺手把它修补好了。年轻的天使问为什么，老天使答到：“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field? The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.

第二晚，两人又到了一个非常贫穷的农家借宿。主人夫妇俩对他们非常热情，把仅有的一点点食物拿出来款待客人，然后又让出自己的床铺给两个天使。第二天一早，两个天使发现农夫和他的妻子在哭泣--他们唯一的生活来源，一头奶牛死了。年轻的天使非常愤怒，他质问老天使为什么会这样，第一个家庭什么都有，老天使还帮助他们修补墙洞，第二个家庭尽管如此贫穷还是热情款待客人，而老天使却没有阻止奶牛的死亡。

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it."

“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”老天使答道，“当我们在地下室过夜时，我从墙洞看到墙里面堆满了金块。因为主人被贪欲所迷惑，不愿意分享他的财富，所以我把墙洞填上了。

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

“昨天晚上，死亡之神来召唤农夫的妻子，我让奶牛代替了她。所以有些事并不象它看上去那样。”

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later...

有些时候事情的表面并不是它实际应该的样子。如果你有信念，你只需要坚信付出总会得到回报。你可能不会发现，直到后来…….

Some people come into our lives and quickly go…

有些人走进我们的生活然后很快就离开了…

Some people become friends and stay awhile...leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts...

有些人成为朋友并稍作停留… 在我们的心里留下美丽的足印。

and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!

因为有了一个好朋友，我们会变得跟从前不一样！！

Yesterday is history. 昨天是历史。

Tomorrow a mystery. 明天是一个谜。

Today is a gift. 今天是一个礼物。

That's why it's called the present!

因此它才被称为present! (present同时具有当前、目前和礼物的意思)

Tropical Snow

2005-12-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

December has just arrived,
The sky has been grey ever since,
Winter soltice is just around,
Tropical lands has their own soltice
Our own version of snow..

Tropical snow is heavy,
Nor does it comes in flakes,
Instead it land in drops,
No fancy motives in each,
Just purely three molecules,
Scientifically known as H2O..

Blessed are we with tropical snow ,
Seeds blooms instead of dormant,
Dry up ponds laugh with joy,
Along with fishes and weeds,
Children runs out to play,
Embracing the tropical snow..

Farmer could not be happier,
To see their greening crops,
But fisherman begins to worry,
For the seas starts to roar,
Fishese are less available,
Their income begins to shake..

When tropical snow turns violent,
It floods the entire city,
No laughters can be heard,
Faint cries and sighs begins,
Crops and objects are destroyed,
It even causes death...

Tropical snow, tropical snow,
Gives out beautiful print,
Splattered on my window pane,
Makes me feel lights and fresh,
Occasional cold wind that blew,
Send the chills up my spine...

Yet,
its the best season around,
Better known as monsoon,
For those living near the equator..

The Pianist

2005-11-22T02:31:00.000+08:00

When you try too hard,
Your body become tense,
Your heart beats faster,
Your fingers move irregularly
Fail to control the speed,
Your mind gets stressed up,
You forget your notes..

When you let go too much,
Your body relaxes,
You feel the vagueness,
Your focus becomes scattered,
Your fingers lack the strength,
And even loses its aim,
The sound becomes shallow,
You keep hitting the wrong keys..

Balance, balance,
Not think too much or less,
Mind must remain focus,
Not a single drop of doubt,
Let your fingers flow,
Let your body take control,
Let your subconscious lead,

That's when expression pours,
Music played with a difference,
Thoughts and ponders of a pianist..

Out Of The Room

2005-11-02T09:05:00.000+08:00

The ray that touches earth，
Softer than the chiffon，
Warming the damp ground，
From the night's after rain，
Clouds laces the blue sky，
Like white satin upon pale blue silk，
Cozier than my dark room，
Warmed by Mother Earth...

Sister Wind tickles me gently,
Sharing a secret or two,
Channeled by the whistling leaves,
The air fills my lungs,
Removing the fatigue and staleness,
Derived from the musty old room,
A blessing from earth itself,
A walk that embraces nature..

心里平静。。
烦恼消失。。

Joker's Fairy Tale

2005-11-01T01:13:00.000+08:00

Website of sorrows,
I began to ponder,
Poetry indeed is an escape,
From various emotions,
As Elliot once pointed out,
But this only carries one…

Time for a new episode,
Inspiring and aspiring ones,
Even my brains went nauseate,
Reading this melancholic site,
All my penned frustration,
Repetitive never-ending sad drama,
Such disgust and pathetic,
I begin to see a cycle,
The wheel turns every year,
I return to the same point,
A similar version of the old
Realised once in a while,

Sometimes tis’ just a personal journal,
My lil’ journey in life,
All expressed implicitly,
My own Fairy Tale,
Such parody and mockery,
Without happy endings,
Some new positivity needed
My Mind’s Drama..

Cursed Cycle

2005-10-20T01:56:00.000+08:00

The well of tears runs dry,
Even the soul can’t cry,
The rain can’t heal this drought,
A vicious curse has been brought,
Keeping the mind point blank,
Uttered words are sealed with planks,
Voices kept unheard,
The heart thumps violently,
Wailing to speak out…
Sadly ignored and repressed..
Locked in the deep conscience,
Filled with broken spears,
Stained with dry blood,
Stale and musty in scent..

Sometimes the sun will shine,
Through the tiny creaks,
Bringing few strips of ray,
Sending vibes of joy and warmth,
Kept the thumping softer,
Quiet during the day at least..
The broken fantasy is mend,
Subjectivity is grasped,
Even though it is short life,
Its aspiring..

Detachment

2005-09-16T02:43:00.000+08:00

If there is one word to describe love
What would that be?
If there is one moment to capture love
What would that be?

My hand shivers till now,
Could not direct my gaze,
On what had been captured,
All tucked in this mechanical form,
Once exposed to the retina,
It will blow me into pieces,
Afraid to turn into fragments again,
My hidden radioactive mine..

I should now detach again..

Everyday Is a Special Occasion

2005-09-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

Here's another inspiring story from my mailbox which i would like to share with everyone, and hopefully it will remind people and also myself how life can be meaningful and a celebration everyday.. 'Everyday is a Special Occasion'

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:
"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".
I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions; I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... letters that i wanted to write "One of this days".

I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brothers and sons, not times enough at least, how much I love them.
Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives.

And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come. .

This TANTRA came from India. No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
It holds useful messages for the soul.

In Memory of Frida

2005-08-18T02:24:00.000+08:00

Tears turn into paint,
Agony became the artist’s brush,
To paint a canvas of feelings,
Her inner world became visible,
Escapism from acute physical pain,
Sometimes the emotional tangles,
Sometime the Heart’s deepest desire,
Loneliness and the altered ego,
The binary of the Self,
All written in the canvas painting..

Her spirit burns on,
Always colorful and inspiring,
It awakens our deeper consciousness,
Mysterious, peculiar and straightforward,
It came from within her,
Not her view of the mundane world,
But the story of her own in it,
Reminding us to battle for,
The various obstacles of life,
With great courage and positivity,
Till Death claims us,
And not Death as a solution..

Sublime

2005-08-06T18:11:00.000+08:00

Sublime,
My word of the week,
Could not describe my days,
It just keep passing on,
With so many duties within,
Meaning could not be captured..

Score of Reminiscence

2005-07-27T03:12:00.000+08:00

Glassy eyes that sparkles,
Formed through reminiscence,
A score so beautifully written,
Speaks of my heart’s longing,
A death to the routine,
Only memories remains,
Projects itself to me,
When night falls..

The wavering flute tunes floats,
Grounded by the cello,
Strings that sings a tragic story,
Once told by you,
I long to hear it again,
When would I hear it again?
I wonder..

Each bow seems to slice,
Friction between hair and metal,
Draws a provoking melancholic tune,
Cuts through my soul,
I bleed silently,
Only felt if you look into my eyes,
Those crystal sparkles..

A song for the legendary myth,
One memorable gift,
Sealed our short recollections,
Key to the past archives,
If ever we meet again,
I would be the storyteller,
For the solemn and playful tune of,
The Butterfly Lover Concerto…

Heart Matters

2005-07-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

The weary heart is blind inside,
Cease to feel and reach beyond,

The broken heart is self-destructive,
Shut itself and left to die,

The despair heart lives in fear
Suspicious, protected by invincible shield

The guilty heart never beats in rhythm,
Curls itself when triggered by past,

The suicidal heart never sleeps,
Even when the shadows has overtaken

The blissful heart could only jump,
Could not understand the lower entities

The heart in love is restless,
Constantly craving for more

The compassionate heart can be painful,
When one could not reach further than desired

The peaceful heart smiles within,
Its radiant shone could heal another

Seasons of My Life: The Second

2005-06-15T15:17:00.000+08:00

Summer plains echoes in choruses,
Afternoon breeze teases it gently,
Drifting subtly into my daydream,
Yesteryear seems like yesterday,
An uncanny feeling surfaced sometimes,
A type of loss always lingers,
Strange but old ...
I see it and I don't..

I woke up with wings,
No more roots and buds,
I have a human-like form,
A leap to a nearby land, I took,
Lured by the haunting tune,
That always rings in my ear,
Originated from afar,
Now I could seek it,
With my new given ability,
Lying helplessly on the soil no more..

A group of fairies dances in joy,
One piper boy and two piper girls,
Another 2 with strings that duets in tune,
A music empire that always welcomes,
Every night the ensemble comes alive,
Many restless hearts for music unites,
Even my own repressed heart was lured,
Once was thought almost impossible,
Now its happening..
Daffodil clan remains in memory..

A new beginning emerges today,
A golden metaphoric summer,
It's warm and exciting,
Where the meadows never looked better,
And the air has never been more fragrant..

Story of Eyinil

2005-05-18T01:46:00.000+08:00

Eyinil the eccentric child,
Sees her world like her books,
Ordinary places became extraordinary,
Tall grass fields seems like meadows,
Midnight are bewitching hours,
Magic energy and muses exist,
Her toys comes alive at night,
Others find her weird,
A social failure,
Pushed inwards..
Deep into her own narration..

Eyinil broke her silence,
She revisits her reality,
Dwells in it during the day,
Returns home at night,
Back to her imaginary friends,
Her imaginary world,
Only imaginary to the eyes of others..

To Eyinil,
Imaginary does not exist,
A fraction of her life,
The wonder pillow,
Keeps her warm and loved,
Answers to her many doubts,
Free from reality’s nightmare..

Eyinil the strong bloom,
Immortal and bland,
The warrior who survived,
From ridicule to blues,
Constantly revolting for peace,
Battle within the Self,
Morbid fascination of the mind,
To reclaim Solace Kingdom..

Gentle night breeze teases,
Her gaze fixed to the moon,
Eyinil smiles to herself,
Admiring its beauty,
No idle thoughts,
Worry not of what the others think,
Blissful in both worlds,
Solace Kingdom in her heart,
Till Eyinil crosses over..

I'm Seeing Stars

2005-05-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

Wheezing, buzzing,
I was wrong,
It’s not the night bugs,
Just my light bulb;
Swishing, swooshy,
It keeps on ringing..

I’ll tumble when I stand,
My world is spinning around,
My eyes couldn’t focus,
Surrounding seems extra bright,
Tiny yellow light particles,
Flashes here and there,
It got more compact,
With every step I take,
Blackout..

The walls quivers,
The floor trembles,
I crash to my bed,
Still again..
I could hear my heartbeat,
Fast thumping, heavy breathing,
Fingers shaking, ball pen slipped,
Writings turned scribbles..

Too strong of a medicine,
Too high of a drug dose,
I’m seeing stars..

Flu, my worst enemy.

Silence 2

2005-05-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

Silence,
Better than words,
Empathy speaks more,
Stronger than the mind denotations,
Those faulty connotations,
Only through feelings,
The picture is illuminated..

Silence,
The invincible healer,
Waiting for an answer,
Anticipating for that channeling,
A tunnel to light,
As the mind crawls on,
Leaving the darkness,
Searching for peace..

Silence,
A timed out moment,
Not a moment of escapism,
Eternal entity visits,
Muses are out to play,
Sending fresh vibes,
New images to be captured,
Added to my archives,

For my own scripture,
My lessons..
My history..

Silence

2005-05-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

A space in between,
Path that was once walked upon,
Turned into a fork road,
Sometimes it joined at the end,
We meet unexpectedly,
Just two strangers,
On the same familiar path..

The past was unbearable,
Stabbed on many times,
Logic mind versus the heart,
Voice was stopped by ‘It’,
No matter how ‘Super Ego’ urges,
No words could be uttered,
Not even a simple greeting…

Just silence,
Maybe a smile or two,
Linger inside a vacuum,
The cold atmosphere,
You were just one of the stars,
In my previous universe,
Now it seems so dim,
Vanish eventually..

What a pity!
Such was the finale,
Guess you will never be able to count,
Or own every star in this universe,
Leaves you insane,
Confused and jealous,
Strong attachment equals big emotions,
Killing the throbbing heart,
To big of a wave,
Even the myogenic mechanism,
Struggles to be alive..

Slowly,
Very slowly..
Poisoning it ..

Encounter with Sandman

2005-04-28T10:38:00.000+08:00

Once upon my childhood,
I used to believe every night,
Dear Mr. Sandman will visit,
Blowing and sprinkling,
Tiny particles of gold dust,
Sending everyone to dreamland,
Fairies and pixies would come out to play,
Dance among the little bluebells,
And tiny red polka dots mushroom,
Under the silvery pale moonlight..

When I was in my teen hood,
I encounter with Mr. Sandman,
Not one, but a few,
Not only males, but females too,
They only exist in the morning,
In a square space,
Surrounded by four walls,
Lined with wooden tables,
There was no moonlight,
Only the shining bright sun above..

There was no gold dust,
But sound waves from their voice box,
No sight of dreamland ahead,
But punishment awaiting,
Only if you absorb the waves,
And fall into their wicked spells
No fairies dancing around,
But a handful of jaded faces..

Ah! Not very pleasant at all,
They lock you in a space,
And cast you sleeping spells,
But they warn you not to sleep,
Too much to bear, too much to endure,
Either battle against it,
Or receive their chastisement,
Be slaves of the morning sandman..
Trapped in between...

I'm a Fusion

2005-04-27T04:00:00.000+08:00

I ran and ran
Down this spiral path,
One that will lead me near you,
Not only to you,
But to the sound of your soul
To experience it floating in the air,
Not merely from my silver disc,

The strength that it gave me,
To keep me running towards you,
I did not understand that sound,
It brought me great irritancies,
In my first encounter,
Only the quieter part of you,
Pleases my ear…

As I reached the end of my path,
A sea of enthusiastic fishes was visible,
Swims nearer and nearer to you,
Is it the sound that brought them there?
Or perhaps lure by your irresistible bait,
I was the lil’ shrimp stuck in between,
Are there other shrimps like me out there?

I finally understood,
The other funkier part of you,
Beats and chinks from the forest,
Brought to the arena,
Made the fishes dance,
You’re a fusion,
Where East meets West,
I’m a fusion too…

Interconnected by our roots,
Explodes and merged,
Through the jingle of our soul,
Something words can’t describe,
Only the feel of it..

The End is the End

2005-04-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

The end is the end,
Humans sometimes fail to cope,
Or maybe all the time..

The mind and soul tries too hard,
To draw a line on the water surface,
To unite the sky and earth..

No means no,
Humans sometimes fail to understand,
The inborn stubborn being..

The doubts and disbelieves,
Provoke endless trials,
Hoping to find the desired ending,
Escaping the reality,
Facts that stands in front,
Smacked on the face..

Who is there to blame?
The wasted determination,
The sentimental heart,
False hopes within,
All that points to Ourselves.

Cheese is my Drug

2005-04-10T04:29:00.000+08:00

Cheese is my drug,
Don't need no marijuana,
Nor cocaine or opium,
Just fermented milk..
Made into beautiful cheese,
Mozzarella, gruyere and cheddar
All winds up into a perfect blend,
With herbs and pasta..

My delicious Portuguese sauce,
Melt into my spaghetti with cheese,
Throws me into hallucination,
Food of love,
Food of satisfaction,
my favourite drug of all
Cheese....

Hold a skewer,
Pierce it deep into..
Tiny pieces of French bread,
Dip it into hot boiling cheese
My beloved fondue..
I still dream to taste you,
Where can I find you?
Leave me a hint...

O cheese o cheese,
Am so in love with you..

Seasons of My Life : The First

2005-03-24T01:34:00.001+08:00

I'm a dormant seed,
Waiting for my freedom,
Anticipating for the sun to shine,
To melt the ice above me,
To show me a new world,
Remove me from this black soil,
To embrace and welcome,
My metaphoric spring...

I was the only sprout in the field,
Greeted by a clan of daffodils,
Eventually I grew into one,
Free to fly when the wind blows,
Carries us away to a new land,
Disperse in a clutter..
Mountains, rivers and villages,
Bugs and other creature,
Fully embracing Mother Earth's creation..

The moment was wonderful,
I began to forget my roots,
I've become one of them,
My old soil seems far away,
The same dark pit where i was trapped,
For years and years...
Only memories..

I was awaken one day,
Daffodils aren't so lovely,
They have short lives,
Fluffy and beautiful,
With a comforting warmness,
Once disperse and disseminated,
I am just myself,
The clan is an illusion,
Once the stem wither,
We are just tiny lil' fluff,
On our own,
Blown away to our fate,
To a random spot to bloom again..

I fell back on my old soil,
Exhausted and daze,
Clinging to the past,
Wonderful and dream-like,
Will time ever bring me back to that clan?
It's like wishing for the stars,
To shine beside the sun,
I am still the same old seed,
Longing for the past,
Fearing for the future,
Confused in the present..

Love

2005-03-19T17:46:00.000+08:00

Only a fine line,
An invincible thread,
Binds the heart miraculously,
Distant and unknown,
Not a single touch,
Only through the mind,
Through the higher consciousness..
The love of your life appears..

Not necessarily in flesh,
Could be another entity,
Could be a craft of life,
Could be Mother Nature,
Could be the essence of life,

Love then fills the body,
Charged it with energy,
The indescribable sensation,
Lifts your spirit,
The worth of life surface,
The bigger picture..

The world’s problem seems so far,
Drifting away,
Heavens smiling upon Earth,
The ray that beams upon us,
Gentle breeze that delight us,
All seems too magical,
It’s like finding a pot of gold,
At another end of a rainbow

Gloom

2005-03-14T01:37:00.000+08:00

Gloom that blooms,
From one saga to another,
Happens too fast,
All too soon..

I thought I met my Peace,
At the end of the horizon,
Another army standing in line,
More arrows was shot,
Straight right to my heart

The hour has ticked past,
Remorse yet helpless,
There is only numbness,
Stoned and paralyzed,
Seeking for my asylum..

Change to Solitude to Enlightenment

2005-03-11T01:23:00.001+08:00

Wind of change,
Destroyed her sand castle,
Cyra's little comfort zone,
Stirred the sand in her land,
Leaving her dessert barren,
An aftermath of a sandstorm,
Invisible to the eyes,
But felt in her heart,
Happens so often,
She became numb,
But never gave up..

Cyra resort to solitude,
Turned into a purple hermit,
Seeking spiritually,
Beg the stars for hope,
Scry her pool for answer,
Cyra’s inner pool in the astral plane..

A wise woman appeared,
Gently touched her cheek,
Left a pile of ancient scripts,
Stories of beings who found their Self,
The voice within,
Their eternal guardian angel..
'Solitude' appeared on one page,
It shimmers in gold,
A resemblance to the golden sunbeam,

Her fingertips touched the word,
She broke into tiny molecules,
Reunites with the universe,
She filled every part of the world,
Then back to her body,
Dizzy and disorientated,
There Cyra lays in the fields,
Filled with lavender,
In a strange new land,
With a calming scent,
As she fell into a deep sleep,
Cyra finally understood…

Wicked Fragrance

2005-02-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

Smells of purity and comfort,
Poisonous as oleander's sap,
One sniff sends you to eternity,
Yet foolish enough to succumb to it..

Irresistible yet dangerous,
Luring yet wicked,
Buys your interest for its scent,
Betrays you once your trust is placed..

It burns your skin subtly,
Pain is felt,
When flesh is visible,
The fondness for it subside..

Men fall,
Even women too,
For the love of;
The wicked fragrance..
Lingers but don't last..

Imagined perfect circle

2005-02-14T22:58:00.001+08:00

Images of people whom their path crosses mine,
Individuals who mean the world to me,
Those that I care and love,
Flickers on and off my mind,
Reminded me of those old films,
Voiceless and colourless,
Only your intuition is there to guide,
Along with your eyes to capture it
The brain is my old movie projector,
The third eye is my big screen.....

My heart feels disorientated,
Roaring waves crashes upon my chest,
Suffocating and drowning,
Struggling to find the shore,
Causes different nerve impulse reaction,
Joy, pain, fondness and how my heart ponders,
I could not find the source,
To turn off the film,
Only time will ruins the quality,
As it continues to fade and move on..

I miss the endless chatters,
those hilarious laughter,
the scent of their perfume,
their smile that brought upon my smile,
the warm hugs and emotions,
Never a perfect circle,
There is always and end to it all,
To welcome another new beginning,
Another season of my life...

Pictures

2005-01-28T09:09:00.000+08:00

Pictures of a thousand memories,
Pinned down on a wall,
It disturbs your emotion at night,
Stirs you into a nostalgic mode,
Reminds you of the fun of the past,
Every wonderful moment that can't be replay,
All frozen in time,
Only pictures to remind you of it..

Pictures turn your eyes blurry,
Till it couldn't hold the tear anymore,
It reminds you of your loved ones,
Long lost pals and deceased ones,
It makes you wonder...
Where have they all gone?

Old school mates and friends,
Close individuals that used to be part of us,
People that you can't imagine that..
One day,
you will going through life without,
They used to illuminate our daily lives,
Old memories begin to fade sometimes,
Till you are reminded of,
It is all framed in pictures..

We will never realise moments are forever..
Until the day we look back,
When we browse at those pictures,
It brings back a certain scent,
A special scent for a specific moment,
Perhaps a period of that life,
This triggers the mind,
Drives you back to the past..

The Great Tsunami

2004-12-26T07:30:00.000+08:00

Fireworks has stopped,
White candles are lighted up,
Merry smiles turned around,
Curved into a frown,
Beaming faces became dark,
Lined with tears,
All washed up in a night,
Buried under the waves,
Laughter were replaced with shrieks,
As the great Tsunami stomped in...

Some souls began to part,
Some souls are lost,
Some souls are united,
Tsunami has destroyed the land,
She has also washed up the world's border,
No more you and I,
There are only us....

Love and compassion flows in,
From every corner of the world,
Young or old, rich or poor,
Lending a helping hands,
To those deeply in need..
Prayers were uttered,
Aid were flown in,
Flags were lowered,
A symbol of respect..
A symbol of care..
The growth of love..

** May 2005 be a blessed and peaceful beginning**

Chaotic Mornings

2004-12-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

I hate my every morning,
Rocky keeps on barking,
Sooner than my alarm,
Mama can't stop yelling,
Shook me off my dreams,
What are holidays suppose to mean..
I wonder...

I woke up with a smile,
The barking makes my head spin
The nagging makes me frown,

I sighed and said...
How long has it been going?
Make it stop! Make it stop!
I want my peaceful morning back!

Mama was in rage again,
She turned me into a scapegoat,
Nothing in the house is perfect enough,
She picks on the tiniest detail,
To channel her anger on me..
I'm never good enough..
At least in her eyes...
When will I ever be?

I wish that she would listen,
At least for a lil' while,
Mama please don't yell,
I might have done you wrong,
But it's all have been the past,
History should not be raked,
Nor secrets shared be weapons,
To hold it up against me..
When you are all in rage..

If you would learn to forgive,
Things won't seem so bad,
If you would learn to communicate,
Perhaps we could bond better

I know that you do love me,
If only you could handle,
Your emotions a lil better..
And hurt me no more..

My Muse Is Back!

2004-12-06T02:16:00.000+08:00

HAven't posted since October?! Ahh..that's really not progressive at all.
Exams finally over, the results are out as well. I did fine, at least i am satisfied. All the stress since october till beginning of november has subside at last. The busy times has really left me with no inspiration. So not in da' mood.I'm practically a zombie..ahhaha..

Exams finish in a wink of an eye. I'm finally back home! So good to see everyone! All my old friends and good friends :). Stuck at home, ate like a pig, willing myself to kick off the access flab on my thighs and so many other projects in line to keep my holiday busy. Finally, i am not working part time this holiday, i am really taking a HOLIDAY. Fully concentrating on my piano exam pieces, working on my chord work and more writings! Gonna start cooking up some tune with all the time i had now :P It's just so nice to allow yourself to rest within a lenght of time. I have never really enjoyed it before, that's because i usually get bored easily or i will make sure i am occupied with activities.

Genting was a funny trip, will post it up in my other blog.I think i gotta start snappin pics soon for my upcoming new blog! I have been sleeping late n waking up late! PIgggg *oink* *oink*

I'm ready to post more stuff again after i have abandoned the blog for nearly a month. I still keep writing despite my lethargic-ness. Some of the stuff in November are pre-written in my little book..hehe.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz for now........

Fool In Love

2004-12-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

I’m the love fool,
Drowning in the lonely pool,
Stuck in my comfort zone,
Refuse to leave my shell.

Friends said you were wrong,
I know that in my heart,
My self lacks the courage,
To survive on my own.

**My fear of loneliness,
Veils me with illusion,
Hoping for a rainbow,
After the long dispute
With you..

*All the pain that you have caused,
All the heartache I have felt,
Because of my fear,
I surrender to your abuse..

All the mean things you have said,
They keep ringing in my head,
Because of my fear,
I’m still holding tight to you..

I’m just a fool in love.

I’m the love fool,
That has lose my cool,
Succumbed to your charm,
Ignoring all your harm.

Friends felt I deserve better,
I know that in my heart,
My heart lacks the courage,
To survive on my own
**
*
How long has it been?
My nerves has gone numb
Please help me break free

Stuck In Time

2004-11-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

I am home,
But it doesn’t feel like it,
I felt like I belong nowhere,
My folks seem different,
Every step I roam,
Seems so strange and uneasy,
They make me feel like I don’t belong..

I am home,
But it doesn’t feel like it,
I sat on the same table,
Chatting and sipping my tea,
The topics seems irrelevant,
Other than those familiar faces,
I felt so lost and drifted..

Has my frozen heart changed my view?
Has my dark mind turns the world topsy turvy?

I am afraid,
I am in blues,
Everyone have moved on,
I am still at this phase,
The same point ages ago,
I want to hide away,
I want to melt,
Break into molecules

I am stuck in time…

Negativity

2004-11-06T01:57:00.000+08:00

Life felt meaningless,
Negativity overshadowed positivity,
The endless battle in the mind,
Overwhelming, suffocating,
How long has it been going?

No passion for what I’m learning,
Complicated theories,
Supposedly enlightening,
Poses more enquiries instead,
More confusion and weird thought instilled,
How fake the world is..
How it seems like a setting…
No escape from the designated route,
Its all a discourse..
What is real?

Wish I could replace it with notes,
Arranged on the staff,
Free to leap,
Guided by the spirit,
Channeled by my muses,
Something which could be sounded,
Formed into easing melody,
Therapeutic waves to the brain,
Brings out the light from the soul..

Anything but those philosophies,
Written by problematic souls,
Quoted by insane murderers,
Trying so hard to define..
How human reality works..
How everything is merely representations..
Material based and so forth..

Nostalgic Dinner

2004-11-01T01:55:00.000+08:00

The bubbly red broth boils.
Spicy aroma consummate the room,
We gathered around the pot,
Eyes upon the spicy broth,
The tummy growls within,
Only we know..

Chopsticks in our hands,
Picking up chunks of meat speedily,
As we tossed into the bubbly pot,
Vegetable covered the surface,
Almost overflowing out of the pot,
The lid was placed to prevent it..

Sweet spicy sour broth of Thai origin,
‘Steamboat’ of Chinese origin,
Enjoyed in a Japanese dining setting,
A blend of culture and style,
Best enjoyed on a cold rainy day,
The rain have not stopped since noon..

Nostalgic feeling surfaced,
How we used to party that way,
Since we were 15 till last November,
It’s just the two of us this time,
The recipe still remains,
Delicious and mouth watering..

How we bloat after dinner,
Barely able to move,
Dinner ends with home made dessert,
Milk jelly with sweet longans,
The best meal since last week
A bonding time for us..

Hocus Pocus

2004-10-31T11:41:00.000+08:00

hocus pocus!

GROWING

2004-10-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

Hahha..another nice story here about worth of life : Sad yet meaningful

GROWING

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose.
I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" andshe gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!"
she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

RAGE 2: Resolved

2004-10-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

The rage resolve today,
Melting moments within the heart,
The liquid is warm,
It boils no more,
Bubbles no more,
Only a beautiful mixture of love,
Enough to overflow the cauldron,
Enough to share with another soul,
Abundant of compassion and peace,
It is blank all over inside,
But it is not empty…

Remedy the past no more,
Depression calls for me to let go,
Tears beg the ego to lessen,
Unfolds a new beginning ahead,
The veil is lifted,
The vision has altered,
The world has a new perspectives,
Guided with a new pair of eyes.
Guided with a controlled mind
Guided with a new-found intuition

The Wise One spoke last night,
And so She says,
Clear the defile mind,
Colour the present,
Hurt yourself no more,
Through anger or hate,
Through a suspicious mind,
Through a selfish heart,
Through blame put forth to another,
You are only hurting yourself..

Beings around you are reflected upon yourself,
You are the reflection of beings around you,
Their defaults are a reflection of your defaults,
Heal yourself and ponder upon it,
Their action and words might have hurt you,
Angry not my dear,
They are only harming themselves,
Through their anger stirred within,
Through the bitterness they felt,
They suffer more deep inside,
As they form their anger and hate,
Towards you...

Carrots, Eggs or Coffee

2004-10-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

This is just a story i wanted to share :) :Here goess>>>

A daughter complained to her father about her life
and how things were so hard for her.
She did not how she was going to make it and wanted
to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He
filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.
Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed
carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last
he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and
boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently
waited, wondering what he was doing.
In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners.
He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.
He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then
he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a mug.

Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the
carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.
He then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled
as she tasted its rich aroma.

She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same
adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.
But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became
weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had
protected its liquid interior.
But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique however.
After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you," he asked his daughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? "

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

How about you my friend?

Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity
do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?

Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart?
Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a
breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have you become hardened and stiff.
Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and
tough with a stiff spirit and heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean?
The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to
its

peak flavor when it reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their
worst, you get better and make things better around you.

So, how do you handle adversity? and what are U ?

: )

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

RAGE

2004-10-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with all the guys that I meet?
Fuck them all man!!
Bloody idiots and sissy!
They could not make up their mind
They beat around the bush
They lie with their eyes
Non reliable ones..
Forever late...
They are so sensitive
Way too egoistic,
Another way too feminine in a bad sense!(I'm not against any sexuality)
Has the world turned upside down?
I don't mean to stereotyped male and female...

How can I not think that way?
I'm brought up in a partial patriarchal discourse,
If both gender is so equal,
Why can't the world be equal to both sex?!
If they can act like girls these days,
the glass ceiling should be broken by now...

Less job opportunities for pregnant women?
You think we got a choice?
AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

**MAY PEACE BE WITH ME TODAY**

(My apologies if this post have offended anyone, its just my mind's drama)

Who Are You 2: The Revelation

2004-10-15T23:09:00.001+08:00

A warrior appears from nowhere,
Thy ancient feared past surfaced,
Raises her sword high,
Slashes across Thy face,
The mask broke into two,
Revealing a faceless entity,
Refuses to fix a face,
Remains a changing chameleon..

The porcelain beauty turns splinters,
I stood and watched,
Shocked and speechless,
Thy was silent,
Thy did not spoke a word,
What is Thy afraid of?
Why can't Thy reveal Thy Self?

Who are you?

2004-10-06T03:32:00.001+08:00

Scary to imagine,
Fearful to think about,
You thought you knew that someone,
You don't know them at all,
It's all air,
No substance but transparent,
What lies between then?

What more that I didn't know?
What more that they have been hiding?
Time is my book of truth,
Breaks off the porcelain face,
Reveals and unfolds everything,
Things that have bypass my sight,
Unveils my delusional senses,
It's crystal clear now..

Insecurity lurks inside,
Fearful and disgusted,
My private sphere have been invaded,
Entrusted to the wrong person,
Betrayal,anger and sorrow,
I choose to drift..
Drift away from them silently..

My Fav Festival

2004-09-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

Driving around the lake gardens,
Darkness looms in every corner,
Ancient old rain trees on my right,
Bends towards the lake on my left,
All in a stretch that forms an arch

A sudden trail of lights occurs ahead,
At the sacred ring where I used to go,
Where I used to swing on the bars,
Metal bars that surrounds the ring,
Right beside the Old Angsana Tree,
That was replaced with a stone pillar..

I stopped and stucked my head out,
I see lights bobbing far inside the woods,
An artificial woods for recreational purpose,
Little girls and boys with peony lanterns,
Swinging and skipping in the dark..

I stepped out of my car,
As i embraced the candle lights,
Lighted so brightly in the center of the ring,
Making symbolic formation on the ground,
More lanterns are hung on the trees,
What a sight on a beautiful night!

The Moon shone so brightly above,
Never had I notice it earlier,
As if She is blessing the garden,
On this legendary night,
On this magical night..

The Moon Maiden listens,
As children make their wishes,
Long lost lovers meet again,
Mooncakes were sent today,
As a token of friendship and love

I saw on the damp cement,
As I watch the kids with their lanterns,
Adults are busy chatting away,
Teenager are lighting more candles,
I gaze upon the moon above,
The big bright autumn moon,
The beautiful Harvest Moon..

I close my eyes and whisper softly,
Making a wish in my heart,
May the Moon Maiden listens,
Showers her blessing and magic dust,
To all dreamers and lovers,
During this Mooncake Festival..

** HAPPY MOON CAKE FESTIVAL TO EVERYONE!! I wish I could be back home strolling in the Taiping Lake Gardens, lighted up with candles, lanterns and the moon, filled with laughter and fun ;D **

Eliminating the container of sorrows

2004-09-28T01:06:00.001+08:00

Dark and stormy days,
Rain that never stops,
I watch the misty white plain ahead,
Humid wind slaps across my face,
Drops of rain touches my cheek,
Light and cold like tiny fairy feet,
Mixes together with my warm tears,
Trickles down slowly to my neck...

Blow me away, oh rain!
Vaporize me into clouds, oh sun!
So I could fall off like rain drops,
Spread into every corner of the earth,
One drops on the rose petal,
Another drops to a little girl's palm,
How delighted she looks,
When the rain begin to pour..

More drops fell into an almost dry river,
Revitalizes the flow of the water,
How the fishes dances underneath,
as the seaweed sways with joy,
Gently swept away to the sea,
Along with the current of the river..

Every drop of me will be of use,
Disseminated to every living exist,
Jaded no more, oh physical self,
No more container for blues and sorrow,
Only the spirit that lives for eternity,
Free from attachment to anything,
Spread like rain drops that falls on earth..

Sneezy Weekend

2004-09-14T11:49:00.000+08:00

I feel so sick,
Been sneezing the whole Sunday,
Brain is blurry,
Nose is running,
Eyes are watery,
Head is stuffy,
Pure symptoms of flu..

How I wish I could just sleep away,
Float away to another plane,
Escape from my series of assignments,
Lining up like an army,
All in a straight line,
Waiting to attack my brain..

I want a holiday on a beach,
I want to play music all day long,
No worries at all,
I want to sing my lungs out,
I want peace in my rambling mind,
I want love in my heart,

I want to indulge myself with delicious food,
Take a sip of pure grape juice,
While I gaze upon the blue sky,
Cloudy without the blazing sun,
As the wind gently caress my cheeks,
As I take a deep breath,
And smile at all the wonderful memories,
Waiting to paint more beautiful ones..

Art of Its Own

2004-09-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Pluck a string,
and watch it vibrates,
it resonates together with my skin.

Bow the hair against the strings,
the wood vibrates beneath my chin,
it resonates together with my soul.

Watch a drop of water falls,
it plops on the water surface,
it plinks on the metal bar.

My fingers dived to the keys,
My feelings reflect through its sound,
The heart is the key to a tune.

Breath from within one's stomach,
Blown into the tiny holes,
Melodic yet refreshing like the wind.

Music to the ears who listens,
Noise to the ears who filters.
Expression to the one who creates it..

His Mind's Drama

2004-08-28T02:32:00.000+08:00

FALLING

Still falling . . .
floating free
motionless spinning
within her gravity

My black hole heart
devours both moon and stars
I absorb her light
and am left empty

Darkness approaching
Eclipse beginning
The solstice of my sadness
Rotates on its axis

(Written by Kit a.k.a. Christopher Marlowe)

FACELESS

I feel I have
no face...
no shadow.. no substance

I am meaningless
nothing

a faceless entity
In which even my shadow ignores

I feel I have neither heart nor soul
or else i would have poured it out to you...
if you had asked..

I feel that the space I take up
Is devoid of my existence

The solitary tear that I shed
Has no cheek upon which to fall

(Written by Kit a.k.a. Christopher Marlowe)

August Transition

2004-08-26T16:51:00.000+08:00

Did anyone feel that this month is giving you a hard time? I do man! I have a whole series of things not flowing too well and a whole series of things dropping into places. Sometimes, i don't remember it at all. This question hits me when my room mate asked me ' are you experiencing a whole series of bad luck this month?'. When i kinda look deeply into it, maybe it is really happening and i am least aware of it. I have friends around me who are experiencing the same thing as i do.

Hmm..where should i start? I think it started off when i slipped and fell on my butt on the stairs. Thanks to my wonderful sandals! Then i have a whole week where things does not work out but it kinda fall into a perfect plan later. Next, i remember i was down with a flu and cough and nearly had a fever. It was a really bad and suffering week. I had to work in the weekend in a sick condition. I still remember swallowing lots of lozenges. Then, i was choking in cigarrete smoke as well. Somehow, my throat was really sensitive to these smoke that weekend. I just kept coughing and coughing till my chest really aches.

Then, the other week, things went really well. I had a lot of fun with muh friends as i remember. Then, there were some issues i had to solve with somebody. I was feeling very distressed,betrayed and stupid. It just bothers me for the whole week till Friday.3 breakups on that day! Friday the 13th itself.. There were some of my friends who are having problems in relationship and life. I could somehow feel their pain and several issues in life and questions pops up in my brain. A reflection of myself in the past twirl back. I was attending church for a few weeks to find some peace of mind, maybe some answers that will be channeled through my subconscious mind. The following week, Wendy and i planned and threw a party for Ms. Lor. We had a blast and i am so glad that everyone turned up for it, other than a bird poop on me on that day. It was a whole lotta fun for sucha stressfull month. Changes and more changes.

Sometimes, i began to wonder whether the four leaf clover is bringing me real bad luck. Ah...superstition. I was just reading one of Crystalinks blogs 'August transition':

August is a major transition month.
You should be able to 'tune in' and experience the grid changes - out with the old and in with the new.
Use the time to 'clean up your act' and move through that which no longer belongs - especially emotions that hold you back. This is a time of letting go - or should I say 'allowing'. Be free!
The biggest issue during the universal transition time is always the 'heart'. Many relationships are ending now! New ones will beging in the fall ... but not for all that seek love - for any number of reasons that are personal to those people. It could be as simple as - there is no one out there for you - the grid experiences you seek - the points on your personal grid matrix now are looking to attract someone with the same matrix and issues. All relationships have issues - as do all people. You may simply be too tired to begin again.

This transition opens the 'gates', if you will, when many souls cross over and others experience a kind of 'death' and 'rebirth' as they change their lives and thinking.

(adapted from Crystalinks)

Somehow, these words just echoed in my mind and i could associate with it.

May September be a new beginning and a great month for everyone!

Dark Thoughts when Pain Surface

2004-08-20T18:12:00.000+08:00

The prick on my chest,
the pain in my heart,
It Hurts when i remember,
I'm jaded when i meet you..

Past betrayal and lies,
It's forgiven but not forgotten,
A world so beautifully told,
The innocent mind who believes,
In all the joy and promises you gave,
Taken away in a snap

My tears refused to fall,
My chest felt tight,
I try to hold my words back,
The ill and fiery words,
Sharp as an athame's end;
Waiting to be thrust upon you.

The sadist act of the mind,
My guardian halted me,
Let it bypass, let it be,
Hurt not another soul,
Out of my suffering ego,
It's not worth the cost.

It's like exploding the sun,
Creating a black hole,
the gravity so strong,
Sucks the whole galaxy in,
Deep into the pitch black spot,
Silence in the end...

Magic of Happiness

2004-08-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

Seek not for happiness,
Make someone happy,
It will drop right on your palm,
You will feel the magic,
The warmth of happiness,
The invincible beam on your cheeks..

When you carve a smile on someone,
Your heard flutters,
A rush of blood into your head,
Your joy doubled the one you gave,
that euphoria feeling,
Last for days till eternity..

the sparkle in someone's eyes,
the tears of a touched soul,
Makes your feet light,
Makes you float above,
Eventhough you are not in love..

Ups and Downs

2004-08-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

I felt a flash of good luck,
I see a streak of bad luck,
It's like a criss cross pattern,
The good memories erases the bad,
No words could explain more..

Things went real smooth this week
Emotions crumbles for the next,
Is there a mercury retrogade above?
Leaves fell and stones thrown,
Causes ripples in my calm lake..

Never believed in Friday 13th,
When you are least aware,
Bad things strikes,
You began to wonder,
Does that superstition exist..

Clouds will disperse when the rain subsides,
The Sun will rise after every sunset,
Every emptiness will be filled,
Each tear that fell will be dried,
Spring never fail to come after winter..
Only a matter of time...
Things will reveal itself..

A happier world

2004-08-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

Why do lovers separate because of religion?
Aren't we all the same from within?
Isn't love strong enough to overcome religion?
Isn't love is what religion teaches?
It has created a barrier between humans instead.

Why are there your god and my god?
Couldn't there be respect for others?
Why are they fighting to impose their believes on others?
Label others who do not share it, evil.
All religion speaks for one thing
Love, truth, peace and harmony
To all creatures, to all beings.

Why do lovers separate because of race issues?
Aren't we all humans in the end?
Does wealth and status really matter?
Isn't it all a cultural constructed concept?
Happiness have to be sacrifices to people's expectation instead.

I want a world with no religion,
No more Us and Them,
I want a world with no races,
No more the term 'the others',
I want a world with no discrimination,
No more threats and bombs and war
The world will be a happier place.

The Tragic Death

2004-08-12T17:07:00.000+08:00

It came one day to A404,
A gift for a cute girl,
The whole house was delighted,
A new life have just entered the house,
There were joy and care in every eyes,
It was pampered from head to tail..

One day I moved in to A404,
I saw the lil' peacock fish,
All alone in the aquarium,
It's friend has departed,
I do not know why it always sat on the rock,
It never really swim around,
Unless it wants to eat.

So there the fish sat for half a year,
People always wonder...
Why is it still alive?
It's a miracle with the condition,
Nobody cares for it anymore,
The water always look muddy,
One gal took pity of it,
I guess she's the only one who still cares,
She fed and tend to it like a baby,
Until the day she moved away...

One year have passed,
People still gasp..
it's still alive?
I see it as pure suffering,
It would be better for it to be gone,
Reunite with it's other friend,
I took pity of it,
I tend to it for a few months,
Though, not as efficient as the girl who left..

It was always over fed,
Not by me, but by an anonymous soul,
The poor fish's stomach just bloats,
Too much food in the tank,
The water gets dirty,
I have gave warning,
Nobody cares..
History repeats..

One night, the stomach bloats too big,
It couldn't even move,
The water was dirty,
I saw a thin layer of oil on the surface,
The poor soul,
I just yell and complained,
Nobody heard me either..

I vow to take extra care,
I gave it fresh water,
Place it in my room this time,
Nobody else could harm it anymore,
Something was strange with the fish,
It's gill flaps really gentle,
The breathing was slow...
I pray that it would be fine tomorrow..

I could not help looking at the fish,
Tapping at the tank once a while,
The stomach is still very big,
I notice the scales are all standing,
The sight was scary and sad,
It's black body was turning lighter..
Suddenly it swims up a few times..
Sink to the bottom again..

Three hours later,
It did not move anymore,
Its eyes was closed,
I was in shock
A part of me was glad,
Its suffering has ended,
Free from the torture,
Free at last from the tank..

I gave it a proper burial,
I placed a yellow bloom on top,
Gave my blessing for the poor soul,
May it have a better next life,
A tear rolled down,
I mention it to a few who cares,
Nobody realise it was gone,
Nobody asked either...

**In memory of the lil' peacock fish that departed to heaven **

Words To Heighten My Spirits

2004-07-29T16:20:00.000+08:00

Bend like a weed in the sandstorm,
Still standing strong when it's all over,
Be like a Seed in its dormant form
Bloom again in spring when winter is over,
That's how you'll survive in this world today..

Let the fire within us remain burning
No matter how anyone try to snuff it
Keep the wheel of dreams within us turning,
No matter how anyone try to stop it
That's how you'll survive in this world

(Written on July 4th 2003)

**Tribute to those teenage years where people tries to wipe away your dreams and hopes
**Those are the people who do not dare to cross the line in front of them
**They are the ones who made everything seems impossible and down to people who dares to dream big by making ridiculous jokes

**Dreams are those unconscious desires that keeps us alive and living besides love
**Dream big and dare to challenge the society's perception
**All reality are constructed socially and culturally
**Why don't you construct your own as long as it is ethical and harm none?
**Say 'Yes' to every 'No'**
**I am really thankful for those who believes in me
**I was an introvert 14 years ago, and yesterday I was labelled an extrovert
**It's really a result for my aim to be a better person every year

The Purple Night Sky

2004-07-25T03:00:00.000+08:00

Tonight I gaze upon heaven,
Filled with millions of twinkling pearls,
Patched on a indigo blanket,
A mixture of purple and blue coloured sky,
A reflection from the neon city lights,
The brightest of all is the waxing Moon,
It will be full in just a week,
This marks the second Full Moon in July 2004,
More than often known as the Blue Moon,
A rare yet auspicious day.

The sky back in my home is black,
Filled with millions of twinkling diamonds,
Sometimes it turns orange and blue,
when it is nearly dusk,
Those precious diamonds began to look faint,
Awaiting for the rise of The Yellow One.

Perseids shower would be a gem this year,
Visible on Aug 12th at 2am in my motherland,
I called it the God's and Goddess's fireworks,
A night light display where no other could be matched,
I wonder if I could witness it this year,
In the polluted and bright Sunway City,
It would be a different experience that night,
For it would be displayed on a purple night sky,

I have always watched it on a black backdrop,
Till the very last spot on the sky is covered with clouds,
This marks the end of the spectacular night show,
When the clouds emerges..
And dusk is nearing.

Am i a Psychic?

2004-07-21T02:20:00.000+08:00

Since secondary school, i believe my senses on whether someone liked me or liked another are very real.Sounds like i have an inflated ego? HEll no!. For all i know, most of my predictions or feel are true. My very recent prediction was verified and proven true. The time that i slipped is when i couldn't draw a line between my emotion and what is believed to be the truth. When i refuse to believe that something, my visions are blurred. Am i an empath?

Another incident would be in Penang. Lorraine, Wendy and i were supposed to meet Lorraine's friend. I have never met her before nor has she described her to me. While i was walking down the escalator, i gaze across and saw a couple.I felt that they are the one that i was suppose to meet. I told Lorraine, 'i think i saw your friend. Does she has long hair, very thin?'. She said yes and how do you know. I went on describing that the gal wore white and she came with her boyfriend. It ended up to be way true. Maybe i am just getting good at reading signs or something. This refers to another incident in TAiping. We were looking for MPT kamunting. When i passed a building, i told my mum i thought i saw it. Then she refuses to believe and went round and round. LAter, Su Ann's ah boy callled and he describe the building because he is there already. It matches my prediction. Is it just pure coincidence? My best 6th sense are seeing who fancy who sometimes.

I felt that my ESP ability might have improved a tiny bit. It's just great! I have always wanted to be psychic. I guess what the books says are true after all. Everyone is PSYCHIC!

My Love Fate

2004-07-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

Things happen for a reason i believe, what a 'cliche' phrase i know. How would you feel if someone you like falls for your good buddy? How would you see a future in love anymore if this type of episode begins to happens like a neverending falling domino? One after another of my dreamy fantasies falls to another person's hands which shares their world with me.Someone that i truly valued and treasured their friendship.I am just speechless. Am i suppose to be sad or happy? The best part is my buddy happens to have a mutual feeling with him. I feel uncomfortable if the situation is reversed and vice versa.As these episodes happens to often, i feel that i am beginning to lose faith in falling for anyone at all.My current self is a walking zombie with a waveless heart. Cold in the core with a slight warmth.I still have compassion, kindness and love. The cold bit in the core belongs to my faith in love and the 'soul mate' theory.

People tell me that ya have to be selfish in a love game. There will only be a winner and a loser. HOwever, i can't bring myself to the point of losing a friend. I rather see them happy with the one i loved. Or perhaps thought i loved.I sincerely give them my full blessing. As time goes by since my first crush, i began to adapt. I wished for happiness and peace for myself and the world for my every birthday since then.I think the god and goddess showed some mercy for my Self. THey showered me with happiness, i could feel it....it's true...coz i couldn't describe what i am happy for sometimes..it's just there.Within me.

Waveless HEart

2004-07-20T01:49:00.000+08:00

My Nights are long,
I can't wait for Morning to come,
My mind would not rest..
Despite my body is calling for it,
I feel like I'm living in a bubble,

My heart is contented,
I feel peaceful,
but something still don't feel right
I do not have a feeling, i am like a living zombie..

There is no hate, no love but negative peace,
A big cloud up my head,
I couldn't remember yesterday,
My memory of things is failing me,
what's happening dear god?
Am I under a spell?
I fear I will not remember who am I tomorrow