His Mind's Drama

FALLING

Still falling . . .
floating free
motionless spinning
within her gravity

My black hole heart
devours both moon and stars
I absorb her light
and am left empty

Darkness approaching
Eclipse beginning
The solstice of my sadness
Rotates on its axis

(Written by Kit a.k.a. Christopher Marlowe)


FACELESS

I feel I have
no face...
no shadow.. no substance

I am meaningless
nothing

a faceless entity
In which even my shadow ignores

I feel I have neither heart nor soul
or else i would have poured it out to you...
if you had asked..

I feel that the space I take up
Is devoid of my existence

The solitary tear that I shed
Has no cheek upon which to fall

(Written by Kit a.k.a. Christopher Marlowe)

August Transition

Did anyone feel that this month is giving you a hard time? I do man! I have a whole series of things not flowing too well and a whole series of things dropping into places. Sometimes, i don't remember it at all. This question hits me when my room mate asked me ' are you experiencing a whole series of bad luck this month?'. When i kinda look deeply into it, maybe it is really happening and i am least aware of it. I have friends around me who are experiencing the same thing as i do.

Hmm..where should i start? I think it started off when i slipped and fell on my butt on the stairs. Thanks to my wonderful sandals! Then i have a whole week where things does not work out but it kinda fall into a perfect plan later. Next, i remember i was down with a flu and cough and nearly had a fever. It was a really bad and suffering week. I had to work in the weekend in a sick condition. I still remember swallowing lots of lozenges. Then, i was choking in cigarrete smoke as well. Somehow, my throat was really sensitive to these smoke that weekend. I just kept coughing and coughing till my chest really aches.

Then, the other week, things went really well. I had a lot of fun with muh friends as i remember. Then, there were some issues i had to solve with somebody. I was feeling very distressed,betrayed and stupid. It just bothers me for the whole week till Friday.3 breakups on that day! Friday the 13th itself.. There were some of my friends who are having problems in relationship and life. I could somehow feel their pain and several issues in life and questions pops up in my brain. A reflection of myself in the past twirl back. I was attending church for a few weeks to find some peace of mind, maybe some answers that will be channeled through my subconscious mind. The following week, Wendy and i planned and threw a party for Ms. Lor. We had a blast and i am so glad that everyone turned up for it, other than a bird poop on me on that day. It was a whole lotta fun for sucha stressfull month. Changes and more changes.

Sometimes, i began to wonder whether the four leaf clover is bringing me real bad luck. Ah...superstition. I was just reading one of Crystalinks blogs 'August transition':

August is a major transition month.
You should be able to 'tune in' and experience the grid changes - out with the old and in with the new.
Use the time to 'clean up your act' and move through that which no longer belongs - especially emotions that hold you back. This is a time of letting go - or should I say 'allowing'. Be free!
The biggest issue during the universal transition time is always the 'heart'. Many relationships are ending now! New ones will beging in the fall ... but not for all that seek love - for any number of reasons that are personal to those people. It could be as simple as - there is no one out there for you - the grid experiences you seek - the points on your personal grid matrix now are looking to attract someone with the same matrix and issues. All relationships have issues - as do all people. You may simply be too tired to begin again.

This transition opens the 'gates', if you will, when many souls cross over and others experience a kind of 'death' and 'rebirth' as they change their lives and thinking.

(adapted from Crystalinks)

Somehow, these words just echoed in my mind and i could associate with it.

May September be a new beginning and a great month for everyone!

Dark Thoughts when Pain Surface

The prick on my chest,
the pain in my heart,
It Hurts when i remember,
I'm jaded when i meet you..

Past betrayal and lies,
It's forgiven but not forgotten,
A world so beautifully told,
The innocent mind who believes,
In all the joy and promises you gave,
Taken away in a snap

My tears refused to fall,
My chest felt tight,
I try to hold my words back,
The ill and fiery words,
Sharp as an athame's end;
Waiting to be thrust upon you.

The sadist act of the mind,
My guardian halted me,
Let it bypass, let it be,
Hurt not another soul,
Out of my suffering ego,
It's not worth the cost.

It's like exploding the sun,
Creating a black hole,
the gravity so strong,
Sucks the whole galaxy in,
Deep into the pitch black spot,
Silence in the end...

Magic of Happiness

Seek not for happiness,
Make someone happy,
It will drop right on your palm,
You will feel the magic,
The warmth of happiness,
The invincible beam on your cheeks..

When you carve a smile on someone,
Your heard flutters,
A rush of blood into your head,
Your joy doubled the one you gave,
that euphoria feeling,
Last for days till eternity..

the sparkle in someone's eyes,
the tears of a touched soul,
Makes your feet light,
Makes you float above,
Eventhough you are not in love..

Ups and Downs

I felt a flash of good luck,
I see a streak of bad luck,
It's like a criss cross pattern,
The good memories erases the bad,
No words could explain more..

Things went real smooth this week
Emotions crumbles for the next,
Is there a mercury retrogade above?
Leaves fell and stones thrown,
Causes ripples in my calm lake..

Never believed in Friday 13th,
When you are least aware,
Bad things strikes,
You began to wonder,
Does that superstition exist..

Clouds will disperse when the rain subsides,
The Sun will rise after every sunset,
Every emptiness will be filled,
Each tear that fell will be dried,
Spring never fail to come after winter..
Only a matter of time...
Things will reveal itself..

A happier world

Why do lovers separate because of religion?
Aren't we all the same from within?
Isn't love strong enough to overcome religion?
Isn't love is what religion teaches?
It has created a barrier between humans instead.

Why are there your god and my god?
Couldn't there be respect for others?
Why are they fighting to impose their believes on others?
Label others who do not share it, evil.
All religion speaks for one thing
Love, truth, peace and harmony
To all creatures, to all beings.

Why do lovers separate because of race issues?
Aren't we all humans in the end?
Does wealth and status really matter?
Isn't it all a cultural constructed concept?
Happiness have to be sacrifices to people's expectation instead.


I want a world with no religion,
No more Us and Them,
I want a world with no races,
No more the term 'the others',
I want a world with no discrimination,
No more threats and bombs and war
The world will be a happier place.

The Tragic Death

It came one day to A404,
A gift for a cute girl,
The whole house was delighted,
A new life have just entered the house,
There were joy and care in every eyes,
It was pampered from head to tail..

One day I moved in to A404,
I saw the lil' peacock fish,
All alone in the aquarium,
It's friend has departed,
I do not know why it always sat on the rock,
It never really swim around,
Unless it wants to eat.

So there the fish sat for half a year,
People always wonder...
Why is it still alive?
It's a miracle with the condition,
Nobody cares for it anymore,
The water always look muddy,
One gal took pity of it,
I guess she's the only one who still cares,
She fed and tend to it like a baby,
Until the day she moved away...

One year have passed,
People still gasp..
it's still alive?
I see it as pure suffering,
It would be better for it to be gone,
Reunite with it's other friend,
I took pity of it,
I tend to it for a few months,
Though, not as efficient as the girl who left..

It was always over fed,
Not by me, but by an anonymous soul,
The poor fish's stomach just bloats,
Too much food in the tank,
The water gets dirty,
I have gave warning,
Nobody cares..
History repeats..

One night, the stomach bloats too big,
It couldn't even move,
The water was dirty,
I saw a thin layer of oil on the surface,
The poor soul,
I just yell and complained,
Nobody heard me either..

I vow to take extra care,
I gave it fresh water,
Place it in my room this time,
Nobody else could harm it anymore,
Something was strange with the fish,
It's gill flaps really gentle,
The breathing was slow...
I pray that it would be fine tomorrow..

I could not help looking at the fish,
Tapping at the tank once a while,
The stomach is still very big,
I notice the scales are all standing,
The sight was scary and sad,
It's black body was turning lighter..
Suddenly it swims up a few times..
Sink to the bottom again..

Three hours later,
It did not move anymore,
Its eyes was closed,
I was in shock
A part of me was glad,
Its suffering has ended,
Free from the torture,
Free at last from the tank..

I gave it a proper burial,
I placed a yellow bloom on top,
Gave my blessing for the poor soul,
May it have a better next life,
A tear rolled down,
I mention it to a few who cares,
Nobody realise it was gone,
Nobody asked either...


**In memory of the lil' peacock fish that departed to heaven **